Lost
by WriterGirlKatie
Summary: Just a random Caskett story. Kate wakes up in hospital with memory loss but what had happened? Read to find out :)
1. Chapter 1

I woke up in a huge white room. Beside me were beeping machines which was checking my vital functions. My head ached, and I didn't know where I was. For a moment I just blinked in the white light, and then I turned my head. There was Castle sitting next to me. He had tears in his eyes and held my hand tightly. I slipped my hand from his and I looked at him. He gave me a kiss on the forehead and smiled. I didn't understand what was he doing and why was he doing it so I gave him a startled stare unable to say a single word. Again he grabbed my hand and I again pulled away.  
"Hey," he said to me quietly.  
"Where I am? What happened? And why are you still trying to grab my hand?" I asked, but I didn't answer him back to his greeting. Rick looked at me a little suspiciously and then took a deep breath.

"You're in a hospital on intensive care unit. You worked in a secret lair and you had to pretend to be a killer. And the answer to the third question is that I'm your fiancé and that's the reason why I'm still trying to grab your hand," he said, smiling just by the corners of his mouth. I was so confused. He just said that we are engaged? It couldn't be true. We are not a couple so how could we be engaged?  
"Castle, I don't know what you're thinking, but we two are not engaged. We are not a couple, so I do not understand what you are talking about. Yes, I know you told me that you love me, but it doesn't mean that we are a couple and we are even engaged," I said quickly as I could over my tiredness. The next moment I realized what I said, but there was no way to take it back. So now he knows that I lied to him all these months.  
This time, Castle looked puzzled and I saw that in his eyes were tears starting to form.

"Kate, this has happened before 2 years. We've been together a year and 11 months and 10 months ago I asked you to marry me. We engaged. Don't you remember it?" he asked in a shaky voice, tears slowly began falling from his eyes. I stayed looking at him with my mouth open and eyes wide. So I have amnesia? It could not be true! For sure he was lying and trying to thread it to make it look like we're a couple. Castle and another of his jokes. Just another one of his jokes, isn't it? He was crying. Maybe he's telling the truth, and I did not answer him yet.  
"No. I don't remember anything of it. The last thing I remember is that I went home from the precinct, because we have closed the case. You know, someone had detonated a bomb in a place full of people and we were investigating it," I finished my whispered answer. In Castle's face were mixed emotions. For a moment he looked angry and immediately afterwards like a lost puppy. He stood from his chair and kissed me on the forehead. He stroked my hair and then he left. I laid in bed and I didn't know what to think or what to do. I was completely lost.


	2. Chapter 2

After a while the doctor came to me and was asking me various questions of my past to see the extent of my amnesia. He asked me about the last thing I remember, and I was telling him over and over again that my last memory is that I was going home from the precinct after solving hard case and since then I have only darkness in my head. When he got all the information he needed from me, he got up and left. I stayed alone in the room again, but not for long. The door opened and there Martha with Alexis were standing. They closed the door behind them and sat on my bed. Martha hugged me and I squeezed her tightly.

"Martha, I'm so terribly sorry. I don't want Rick to worry, "I told her before she could say anything.

"Darling, it's not your fault. They did hurt you, so you don't have to put blame on your shoulders. Richard loves you and he will support you. Together you can make it, "she told me and I felt tears began to form in my eyes. A few have dropped out, but I quickly wiped them away. Then Alexis got up and sat on my bed. She hugged me and in the meantime she was holding me tightly to her body.

"Kate, I have never told you how important your role is in my life. You're my inspiration, and you are acting like you were my mom, "she finished and I saw a few tears in her eyes.

After a while they said they had to go and left. I was sitting on the bed and looking at the wall. Various pictures from beginnings of our "relationship" with Castle were running through my head. How we met and how I had never told him that his books have helped me after my mother's death or that I was standing in a line just to get my book signed. I smiled about it, but my smile soon faded. I felt lonely. I was in a room alone. I called a nurse and asked her if she could call Rick to come to me. She nodded and about half an hour later, Rick was sitting in a chair next to my bed. I leaned over and grabbed his both hands. I looked straight into his eyes and then I just burst into tears. He hugged me and held us tightly together. I cried into his shirt and held him as tight as I could to my body.

"Don't worry," Rick whispered to my ear, "together we can do it. I'll help you out of this and get back your memories. I love you and I always will."

"I ... I kind of don't know what you want me to say, but thank you for everything," I whispered at the end of last words, and he squeezed my hand reassuringly, "Could you take me home please?"

Castle was a little surprised at first moment after I had asked him that, but immediately agreed and promised to speak with the doctor. He also wanted to have me at home. We were hugging each other for a little while again. I was laying resigned in his arms, and he pressed me to him with the need lovers have.

"I always had feelings for you, Rick," I whispered before I fell asleep in his arms. He put me back into bed and gently covered my body with blankets. I felt him giving me a kiss on the forehead, and I smiled. Then I went to dreamland.

Meanwhile when I was sleeping, Castle spoke with the doctor who agreed with my release from the hospital but with conditions. Rick had to take care of me. He wanted to do it anyway so there wasn't any problem. The next step was to sign release papers, which I did the next day when I woke up. After all that paperwork I was finally on my way to home. Rick was driving in silence and I knew exactly why. We were both nervous.


	3. Chapter 3

Martha and Alexis had welcomed us at home. Rick led me into the bedroom and showed me everything. I studied everything to the smallest detail, and I tried to remember something. A picture on the wall got my attention. There were seashells and they seemed familiar to me.

"Where did you get those seashells?" I asked Rick. He puts his arm around my waist and smiled.

"Those we collected our first walk in the Hamptons. We even solved one murder there, "he said with a sad smile. I nodded and grabbed him by the arm.

"You know, I'm sorry, right?" I asked Rick, and he just nodded and hugged me.

"I know. But none of this is your fault. You shouldn't worry about it and you shouldn't be sorry for anything. We give it time and when you remember things again and you'll be sure, we will get married. "

I smiled at him and I asked him if I could go get shower and then cook lunch. He agreed and led me to the bathroom and showed me everything. Then he put my stuff out of the closet and towel. He gave them to me and went into his office. When I showered, I came out of the bathroom in my sweat pants and Rick's T-shirt. Drops of water were dripping from my hair and I felt refreshed. I went to Caslte's office. I found him looking at photos of thw two of us and he was crying. I cleared my throat and he looked up to me. We just stared at each other with tears streaming down from eyes. After a moment, I gave up and I threw my arms around his neck. I hugged him as tight as I could and he did the same. And then we both suddenly got up. I went into the kitchen to cook lunch and Rick went into the bedroom. I understood that now he cannot see me because we both were confused of everything that happened. I couldn't remember the last two years of my life, and in those two years was included our entire relationship. I stopped thinking about it and I cooked lunch. Within an hour I was done. I called Rick to the table and we ate. When we were putting dishes into the dishwasher, I got an idea.

"Castle, could we go for a walk in the park?" I asked.

"I thought about the same! I'd be very lucky to go with you, at least I have time to tell you some of our shared moments that you don't remember."

"Thank you. You're a really great guy. You care about your impossible fiancee who lost her memory and who you should marry. In fact when we have a wedding?"

"In eight weeks, but don't worry abou it, I called off the wedding because we are not ready. Now, go dressed up and let's go for a walk," he said slapping me lightly on the ass. I laughed and I ran into the bedroom to change.

We walked in park hand in hand and we enjoyed our shared moment. He told me some stories from our cases. I was smiling at his excitement as he was telling me all these things. I can say that I felt really happy. When we decided to go back home, we stopped for our favorite coffee and then we went straight back home.


	4. Chapter 4

A few days later, one morning I got dressed and without a word I disappeared from the apartment. I needed to clear my head. So I was walking through town and watched the people around me. I didn't know what time it was, and I no longer felt hunger or cold. I wore only leather jacket and sweatshirt, so I was cold really soon, but after a few minutes I get used to it. I slowly walked up to the playground. The first thing I saw were swings and trough my head flashed memory of moment when I first met with Rick after the shooting at me. Nothing has really changed. I sat down and after a while I started to cry. As much as I wanted to remember, but after those 10 days since the accident, I didn't remember anything. Although Castle reassured me that it'll fix by itself over time, or therapist help me with it, but I didn't see it the same way as him.

I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder, and when I lifted my head, there was a little girl standing before me and looking a little frightened at me.

"What happened to you?" she asked me, "Why are you crying?"

"I'm just a little bit sad," I said to her, and then I immediately asked her, "Where are your parents?"

"Fathers are there," she said pointing to lawn where two gays were taking selfies. I took the girl's hand, and I took her to them.

"Thank you very much, Miss," one of them said and hugged me. I nodded a little surprised and then walked away. I walked away from the playground to a place where I couldn't meet anyone. It was getting dark and I was still colder. I felt hungry and I just kept walking. I passed several people, including one policeman. For a moment he looked at me and then he went on. I shook my head, and I wanted to continue my journey again, when I felt strong arms around me. I tried to resist, but I couldn't. But suddenly the grip did ease and I saw a policeman, who passed by me a little while ago.

"You are Katherine Beckett, aren't you?" he said comparing the image on his phone with my face. I nodded uncertainly in agreement, but I still didn't understand what he meant.

"You must come with me. Your fiancé is already 10 hours looking for you. You didn't tell him where you go and he was afraid that something bad could happen."

Just now I realized that I didn't say anything to Rick at all and neither left any message.

"Excuse me. Sure, I'll go with you," I said. The policeman took me into the car and took me to Rick's apartment. I knocked on the door. Rick opened and in one swift movement he pulled me to him and hugged me. He kissed me on the cheek and firmly held me around my back.

"I'm sorry," I muttered to his chest.

"You should be. Do you have any idea how much I was worried about you?! I was afraid that you were kidnapped!" he yelled at me, and after seeing the tears in my eyes, he calmed down again and hugged me. He thanked the policeman for bringing me home, and he left.

We sat down on the couch. I saw fear in his eyes and anxiety, and I started to cry.

"Kate, don't cry, please. I'm no longer mad at you, but I was so afraid," he said softly and grabbed my hand.

"Rick, I have to confess something. I don't handle this well. I try to behave as if I was okay, but I'm not. It tortures me that I cannot remember," I said between sobs.

"Kate, I promised you I'd wait until you remember, so what are you afraid of?" he asked and squeezed my hand.

"That I never can remember again," I whispered with my eyes closed.


	5. Chapter 5

Castle immediately pulled me into his arms and kissed my hair.

"Kate, don't worry. Although you probably don't like it, you will start to go to therapy. A psychologist will help you cope everything and he will give you advise how to remember everything," he said and yet he wa still pulling me closer to him. I buried my head into the crook of his neck and after a few minutes I fell asleep from exhaustion after this long day. Castle picked me up and carried me to bed. He didn't bother to undress me out of clothes. He lay down with me and with his arm around my waist he fell asleep as well.

I woke up before he did. I decided that I will put my amnesia aside and make us breakfast to bed. Pancakes, eggs and bacon were the obvious choice. I made a coffee, which I almost immediately spilled, because two strong arms caught me around my waist and soft lips imprinted me a kiss on the cheek. I put the cups on the counter and turned around. I wasn't quite sure of my act, but I didn't want to waste time. After all, I don't know when my brain is going to remember and I did not want to be without a sweet kiss before it happens. I kissed Rick on the lips. At first we were both a little surprised, especially Castle, but immediately afterwards we shared a long and passionate kiss. It was probably some signal, because to my brain just returned memories of the very beginning of our relationship. I thought of that first night we spent together. I immediately pulled away and smiled at him.

"Ca-Cas-Castle I just remembered something!" I said stammered, and before he could ask what, I said, "I remember our first night together and the few days after that. I remember my suspension and then return back to work and the first case where we have worked together already as lovers."

I was so excited about this all sudden miracle that I hardly noticed that Rick has tears in his eyes. He seemed sad and happy at the same time. I looked into his eyes and smiled at him.

"I know it's not much, but," I managed to say before I was interrupted by Castle, "No Kate. It is a lot. It's a progress. It's a start. This is proof that gradually you will remember everything and that everything will be okay," he said, and hugged me. I felt like the luckiest person in the world. When we collected ourselves from everything, we had breakfast. After breakfast, I called my psychologist and I made an appointment on the very next day. I was still overwhelmed of that I remembered. Castle was in his office, and he was writing his next book from the series of Nikky Heat. He needed something to help him process what just happened. There was so much on us. It was a positive thing, but even so it was very mentally demanding. Around the noon I went for Castle to his office. As soon as he saw me at the door, he stopped writing. I sat on his lap and kissed him.

"It's time for lunch. Should I cook something or should I order something?" I asked and I kissed him again.

"You could make sandwiches, and I'll take you for a date night. We'll go to dinner and then we will take a romantic walk home and then maybe we could pour ourselves some wine and cuddle," he said happily. I nodded enthusiastically. I made us lunch and after eating I've cleaned up the dishes. I went into the bedroom and I chose an outfit for the evening rendezvous. I wanted to take a necklace with my mom's ring and my engagement ring, but I could not find it anywhere.

"Rick! Where do I have that necklace with my rings?" I called out to Castle. He came to the bedroom and looked at clothes on our bed.

"You will look wonderful," he said, smiling at me, "Close your eyes," he told me. I did what he wanted. I felt the cold of his hands and of a metal on my neck and shivers ran down my spine and my whole body. I opened my eyes, I looked at the chain, and I threwmy arms around Rick's neck. He kissed me on the lips and then hugged me.


	6. Chapter 6

After dinner, we were walking hand in hand to home. Neither of us said a word. This tension between us must surely have its own light. I couldn't even look at him, even though I knew he was constantly watching me. After endless time we got home and we could go to sleep. I fell asleep before Rick did. After midnight I woke up. I walked into the living room. I was looking out the window. I was confused. I mean, I was glad I got to remember something, but I didn't want to disappoint Castle. He was so excited when that little piece of my memory returned. I was afraid that I cannot remember anything else as fast as I did now. I watched cars slowly making their way through the street and how the leaves were swaying in the wind. I was looking for a distraction from my own thoughts, which were trying to make me go crazy. I heard footsteps, but I did not turn. Rick slowly walked behind me and put his hands on my shoulders.

"Come back to bed. You go to therapy in the morning and you need to be rested," he said quietly and pulled both hands off of me. I shook my head. He just muttered something and went back into the bedroom. I pulled the chair closer to the window and I just kept staring out. I do not know when I fell asleep, but I did fall asleep. Still half asleep, I felt someone upon me. I consider it was Rick who put a blanket on me and kissed my forehead. I dreamed about my life. I even saw children who we could have with Rick and it makes me a little scared. I was scared of the future, the present and the past.

The following day I had another therapy. I confessed with everything that troubled me. My psychologist explained many things to me and gave me some advice on how to get along better with Rick. After the session, I went home on foot. Along the way I stopped at a park. I sat on a bench and watched kids running around. They played and laughed and talked. I had to smile to myself. Children are so innocent and does not have any worries. They can also enjoy the absolute little things. Adults cannot do this, well a couple of them can, Castle for example. He is probably the most amazing man I've ever met. He's changed my life. Thanks to him, I can smile a lot more and relax even when the greatest stress is on my shoulders. I decided that I have to talk to him at home. He is giving me his full support, but I have to steer him in the right direction. He's trying, I know he is, but somehow it is not enough. I need more care and attention. He still treats me like a victim and I do not want it. I don't want to feel like a victim. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable. I need to feel my strength and enthusiasm again I had before the loss of memory. When I came home, Castle was not there. I found a message on the fridge. He had to arrange something with his new book. I cooked and I sat in the chair, which was still pulled close to the window. Again, I stared out. I guess I was looking for Rick or I was just watching the street, I do not know. It was strange, but even when I wanted attention so badly, that silence and stillness were making me actually really calm. Not long after this I heard keys. I went out to meet him at the door and I hugged him. He was a bit surprised, and at first he didn't want to hug me back, but ultimately allowed it and hugged me. When he released me and changed, we sat on the couch. Without him having to say anything to encourage me, I began telling him how the therapy went. He listened attentively, and his ocean blue eyes glistened with interest. When I finished, I just lowered my head and waited for him to say something. He said nothing. He grabbed my hand and stroked it with his thumb on the back. We didn't need words. Silence was enough for us. All our unspoken words hovered around and surrounded us. After a while I lay next to him. He firmly hugged me and patted on the back. He reached for the remote and turned on the music. Tones of songs began to ramify in the room. I lifted my head and looked deeply into his eyes.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too," he replied softly and gently squeezed my hand.


	7. Chapter 7

I looked deeply into his ocean blue eyes and could not resist. I had to kiss him. I joined our lips and I immediately felt the connection, the electricity flowing through our bodies. It was beautiful and I was finally feeling really happy after a long time. Rick ran his hand through my hair and I did pretty much the same. After a few minutes, we had to break apart to catch our breaths. He smiled at me and I smiled at him back. I felt my blood flowing into my face and I had to simper constantly. Rick pulled me closer and kissed me in my hair.

"Rick could we try to make love today?" I whispered to him. He looked at me with a shock on his face. He was searching in my eyes for answer if I really meant it or not. I nodded at him and he pulled me into his arms. He hugged me tightly and kissed me on hair again. I was smiling and slowly grabbing his hand. I led him in the bedroom. Rick slowly laid me on the bed and started kissing me. It was slow and full of emotions. We both knew we could not hurry. We stripped each other and continued to cuddle and kiss each other. Then Rick pushed his two fingers into my heat and began circling with them. I groaned and kept looking into his eyes to make him sure I was all right. Then he slid himself into me and began to move in a regular rhythm. He held me with his hand under my back and sometimes he gave me a sweet kiss on my lips.

"Rick, faster please" I said, "I'm so damn close."

"I can feel it, me too," he replied breathlessly, and speeded up our pace. I came first. I had his name on my lips and it sounded like a prayer as I screamed it into our empty bedroom. Castle had come right after me, then laid beside me and dragged me into his arms. I put my head on his chest and tried to calm my breath as he was trying to do the same thing.

"That was beautiful," I whispered, "and I feel I may have remembered something," I added shyly. Rick had tears in his eyes and stroked me in my hair. He was playing with them and I let him because I know how much he loves it. After a few minutes I fell asleep.

A few weeks later ...

Since the day I had sex with Rick for the first time since my accident, a lotof things have changed. We continued to develop our relationship. We had sex together regularly. We have found out that it was helping me a lot to recover my memory. Over the past few weeks, I remembered almost everything. I was incredibly happy and Rick of course was too. When I remembered how he proposed, I cried for almost an hour. Now we were lying in bed, we were cuddling and watching Sherlock. Since I'm a detective and Rick is observing me, we've been able to identify a lot with this serie. Today we had a really busy day. We had a new case with almost no leads and I was frustrated about it. Even for Castle it was hard to think of a crazy theory, which I did not like very much this time, but I was glad to get back to work after a long time and to live kind of normal life again.

When the serie ended, Rick closed the notebook and put it under the bed, then looked at me. There was sorrow and I swear even tears in his eyes.

"Rick, is there anything going on? You seem sad," I said, cupping his face.

"You know this case we have with no leads and evidence. It reminds me a lot of how you disappeared. We had no trace, nothing we could follow. I was so worried about you and no one knew where to look for you," he replied in such a sad voice that I had never heard from him before.

"It had to be rough, but now I'm here and I'm not going anywhere," I whispered, and began kissing him, first uncertain, but then more and more passionatly. Eventually it ended with our intertwined naked bodies and quick breathing. I guess I wanted to make him sure I live, that we both live. Sex is something that can easily prove it. That night we fell asleep in a tight hug covered with duvets and with smiles on our lips.


End file.
